around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
