what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
