"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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