When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
