so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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