I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
