I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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