she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
