we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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