so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
