I want to walk on stilts...naked
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
