is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
