Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
