if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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