I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
