Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
