i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
