I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
