Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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