what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
