At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
