I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
