Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
