Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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