me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
