Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
