Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
