plz talk dirty to me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
