Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Your dad touched me again.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
