My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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