when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
