New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
