So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
