Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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