Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
