the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
