i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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