tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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