I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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