My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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