The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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