I smell stomach acid.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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