take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's the barista slut.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
