just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
