And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
