Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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