i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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