remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
