please come you make the beer taste better
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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