You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
