My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
