Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
True college students do jello shots in the library
So. Much. Porn.
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