I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
