Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
